Dec. 1938 - Oct. 2010
If anyone on this Earth has ever belonged in Heaven it’s Pa.
He has now been taken to the place that he has deserved to be all along…he is in God’s hands now and forever. He will be missed here, but we will see him again one day…and until then he will be looking down on us and keeping us safe and smiling (like always).
"If we really understood Heaven, we would be most unhappy and unsatisfied with life on Earth. We would rebel against our earthly limitations. If we saw Heaven, we could not bear this earth. That's why Heaven is forever: we cannot bear to leave it after we get there.----C.L. Allen
If you didn’t know pa…
he was the designated driver to his friends, had a Southern charm, saved three of the chickens he was butchering for me, was once upon a time one of two white people at a James Brown concert, quietly stood on the arena rail while I ran barrels or trotted circles, never let me live down my soupy banana cream pie incident, had a wit that was unmatched by mere mortals, laughed at me and Jenna’s frost bitten fingers when we unloaded carrots from a semi truck one snowy winter, taught those around him that while you can be tough as nails- you can still have a soft heart.
I am sure everyone has their own special memories of him, but those are a few of mine.
Life as we know it here on Earth will be so much different…so much more bitter. But, life in Heaven just got sweetened. I think Pa could probably even teach God a thing or two. No joke. I picture him up there re-living the days when he worked in the wheat fields…ya know? When he was really young and super handsome. I see him jumping off of the banks of a pond with all of his buddies…tanned from the long summer outside plowing the fields…taking a swim to wash the day away. Yeah, those were his good old days and now he’s back there. That’s what Heaven is for.
"Even though we have so much to live for on this earth, there is even more to live for in the next life. Death does not cheat a person out of life; death enriches life."----C.L. Allen
I married Matt because he reminded me of Pa. For more than one reason. The most obvious reason was their mutual love of baseball. Both college players that could not go pro simply based on academics and not playing ability. Pa and Matt could spend forever talking about baseball. I actually think that Pa loved Matt like he would have his own son. They probably could have been related they are so much alike. They share the same type of heart. The rarest type of heart- the one that would never hurt a soul…the selfless kind. Matt and Pa both hold strong morals without effort…it is never a trying process for either of them to be good people. They just are. I have more than one reminder of Pa in my life…of course I have “Pa Junior” as an every day reminder. We have always called Landon “Pa Junior,” because he looks so much like him and because Landon has Pa’s super- human strength. I am thankful for the moments that Landon had with Pa, but if I was going to be selfish right now I would ask for one more day of Pa getting his chance to play with Landon and I would revel in it.
The pain of losing Pa is very existent in my mind at all times. It is impossible to quantify the amount of sadness that you can feel when you lose someone who means so much to you. Saying that “I miss him a lot” or “I hurt badly” doesn’t cover it, because it presumes that there is an amount that can be put on the feelings that I have about his death. Trying to sum it up in any way- even crying a million tears- does it no justice. It is a strange loss of emotion that I have towards the situation because he was hurting so badly throughout his recovery and rehab. The pain of losing him exists in a space that can not be touched by words- or maybe even feelings- alone. This aspect of death makes dealing with the getting by day to day easier than one would expect, yet it makes you feel like a crazy person for not being able to express a grip on never again having this person in your presence here on earth. The pain resides in your heart and mind and trying to describe the feeling is impossible.
Knowing that he is no longer suffering, yet at the same time no longer with us brings a sense of peace, yet no peace at all. It brings a feeling of comfort, yet the worst stomach ache ever. It brings a feeling of sadness, yet utter happiness and it brings a feeling pain, but then painlessly alleviates me of all worries for him at the same time.
I can feel him looking down on us now. It’s like a huge hug from above. I hope the pearly gates are ready for flat bed trucks and flannel shirts....heaven awaits.
"When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. When you die, you rejoice, and the world cries."
- ancient Tibetan saying
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment