I confess....

I rode in the backseat of the car with Landon until he was 5 months old…maybe even longer than that if I’m being honest…and maybe I still do it sometimes.




I love talking to other women who have had C-sections. I love to hear the reasons why they had one, their experience and their feelings about it emotionally and physically.



I researched the crap out of everything baby related while I was pregnant and BLAH it all goes out the window once you have your own little one with their own needs and personality.


Before I had Landon I didn’t really know how hard being a parent was.


Matt was born to be a dad….I have to work at being a mom. For some people these things just come naturally, for me it has to be a work in progress.



I still have guilt for not being able to breastfeed. I know that it had to do with genetics, mixed with a traumatic birth and the pain pills that I was on for the first month, but it has turned out to be just one more thing that you think you have planned that ends up going off of the tracks.



I am blessed that my baby is an overachiever, but I still look at calm babies who are content with laying there, or being strapped in their infant carrier with out screaming and feel like I wish I could have one like that…one that would let me hold them without squirming to do the next amazing thing.



Sometimes I’m not so calm. Sometimes I reach that final straw and I (usually calmly) lose it a little and need a mommy time out. A moment of silence in a 30 minute long shower while he naps, so I can decompress usually works wonders. Yes, I said 30 minutes.


Sometimes …most times…I worry too much about getting the laundry done, dishes washed and dinner made on top of all of my mommy duties. I try not to, but I feel like it is part of my job now.



I am lucky that I got a baby who is excellent at independent play, but sometimes I wish he wanted to play with me more. He is definitely going to be the leader and not the follower.


I worry that I am holding him back from eating regular foods. I haven’t even handed him a Cheerio yet. Anything I do give him that isn’t soft is in a mesh feeder.

I hardly sleep at night. I became so used to him waking up that sleep is inconsistent to say the least.



I believe that I was born to raise a baby boy, probably even born to raise an extremely cantankerous boy...so I guess this is earned exhaustion.

My dogs have taken a backseat to the baby for now and I feel horrible about that and hope it can change as time passes, but right now it is just so hard to give out that much attention. Whenever I get the chance I include them, but it will probably never be the same again.



I call Landon Babs. I have since I first met him. It completely does not fit his masculine personality, but I can’t stop. He is my Babs and I try to never say it in front of anyone but him.

I am secretly relieved when I talk to other moms who feel the same way about all of these things that I do.